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Welcome to Poundland

by GUS

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If I'm going to be stuck at home I might as well have a laugh.


Welcome to our glorious island,
with our royals, shakespeare
and other illustrious dead,
Nige's down the pub and
Dave's resting his trotters in the shed
At least Boris delivered Brexit
in more ways than one he's our Jim'll Fix it.
you must admit, it's an exciting re-brand
welcome, welcome to Poundland.

We can have our Inches back, at last!
our gills and drams and feet and pounds
Employment laws? good riddance,
Our Great Britain is open for business,
Hongkong on the Humber, Singapore on Thames,
even Dyson promised to come back again,
from Westminster to Hoxton and Soho
it's rockin' - oligarchs a gogo
Pillars of industry primark and tk
max employing slaves and avoiding
tax selling cheap fashion to the masses:
shoes and bags and bread and circusses
You can have BHS for a quid
we'll throw Sports Direct in for free
Don't worry about the unions,
Everyone's self employed you see.

welcome to Poundland,
it aint no new found land,
we've dug up Albion,
proud old England
proud old England

Don't worry about shortages
we've got everything we'll need
and even more
from swizzels to fairy liquid
from pot noodles to
fray bentos miniature pliers
kleenex andrex
scenic weetabix
kingsize rizlas
mr sheen's chicken pies
wagon wheels
a fibre optic fairy sunflower
a mini adventure is out there sign
safety masks made of knitting yarn
peanut butter from jimmy carter
cream of tartar
jacob's club
melton mobray bubble wrap
milky bar kid gloves
a sparkle squad unicorn
on a fur king bap
cadbury's creme eggs
3 pack of mousetraps
heinz beans are good for yer 'art
whiskas temptations chicken n cheese
uncle bens special fried pedigree chum
winalot chicken & beef in gravy
or 88 vape fresh strawberry
flavour wd-40, is that naughty? then
pringles salt n vinegar and
curlywurly cathedral cheddar.
Everything for a quid.

you what?
Cote de Rhone? sorry, it's now contraband,
welcome, welcome to poundland

National closing down sale, everything must go
prices have never been so low
in competitiveness we're the cream of the crop
the race to the bottom's put us back on top
in this Great British bargain basement
we treat Remoaners like Roger Casement
it's the will of the people - traitors will be hanged,
welcome, welcome to Poundland!

Negotiations drag on, but summat's gotta give -
our land is green, our passports are blue and
we'll go to sea in a sieve
if that's what it takes.
we've no time for flakes,
Sod the bloody carbon tax,
cut all the chuffin trees down and burn them at Drax!
Make Britain Great again, come on, it'll be grand.
Welcome, welcome to PoundLand.


released March 16, 2020


all rights reserved



GUS Sheffield, UK

Gus has been making music with friends, with computers and on his own since he was about 8.

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